If You Get Sick, Die Quickly

Late last night, freshman democratic congressman Alan Grayson of Florida’s eight district (Orlando, Ocala, Eustis) addressed a late-night session of the US congress on health care reform.  He was allowed to speak for up to five minutes, but only spoke for half of that.  He was obviously prepared for the opportunity to have his say, however, in that he brought with him an easel and prepared charts for reference, clarity, and illustration.

Although few congresspeople were actually in attendance as is normal for late-night congressional sessions, Grayson spoke on the congressional record of president’s Obama’s health care reform speech before the joint session of congress two weeks ago, during which many republicans waved a piece of paper which was purported to be the GOP health care plan.  He stated that after that speech was over, he collected one of those sheets and found that, except for the title of GOP health care reform plan, the rest of the piece of paper was blank.

Thus, he attempted to make sense of what this GOP health care reform package actually meant.  As a result, after careful consideration of all the available information, he figured out that it is a three step plan.

Step one is “Don’t get sick“.  Evidently, if you simply don’t ever get sick, then what on earth do you need expensive medical insurance for?   The simple logic of this idea saves the country billions upon billions of dollars.  From a cost-effectiveness point of view, it’s difficult to argue with saving all that money.

However, realizing that no plan is absolutely flawless, and that the possibility of something slipping through must be covered as well, the GOP plan states in step two:  “And if you do get sick..“.  It seems that this step is incomplete if it doesn’t include an methodology to follow, but it’s purpose is to prepare us for the actual solution, which is outlined in exquisite detail in step three: “Die Quickly!

The congresspeople who were not present for Grayson’s short speech got to watch it later on C-Span.  Those interested can watch the actual two and a half minute speech as well, HERE.

When one compares this to the expensive democratic plan for health care reform, which includes health insurance for everybody and assistance for those who can’t afford it, the economic thoughtfulness of the GOP plan is readily evident.  After all, once you die, you no longer require expensive treatment, unless you’re Ted Williams, who had his body frozen in liquid nitrogen immediately upon his death to the tune of several hundred thousand dollars….but that’s another blog.   🙂

Clearly, it makes indisputable economic sense to not get sick.  But if you must get sick, it makes even more economic sense to die quickly, right?   And it’s no big deal, to die quickly, because most people believe in an afterlife, such as heaven (or hell, if you’ve been bad, or simply want to be with your friends), or perhaps some paradise flowing with milk and honey and 72 virgins who want to make you happy.  The afterlife’s specifics depend upon what your religious beliefs are.  But suffice it to say that most people in this country believe in some form of it and therefore would be all set by dying quickly under the GOP plan.

The only ones seemingly not covered in this way would be the atheists, most of whom don’t believe in any afterlife at all.  But then again, if those godless communistic liberals got sick and died quickly, that would dove-tail perfectly with the GOP’s desire to keep their religious-right political base happy and joyous.  So the plan itself has even more benefits once one really does uncover all of the far-reaching tentacles of the plan.  It is, simply put, insanely genius.

But wait a minute!  What about those horrible, selfish, abusive people who would allow themselves to indiscriminately get sick over and over and then refuse to die quickly, causing the rest of us all that added expense of actual medical care?   How would this plan solve that?

Well, the GOP has truly thought of everything.  In fact, they came up with the solution months ago when the health care reform debate first started heating up.  The GOP must have already had their plan in the wings ready to go, because they leaked out the information on the ultimate fail-safe mechanism to prevent any unpatriotic citizen from abusing their plan.  In fact, they’ve been talking about it for months, they have mentioned it repeatedly at town meetings, and they even had Sarah Palin allude to its use on more than one occasion.  Surely, everyone who has been paying attention to the health care reform debate knows that the republicans came up with the solution to prevent any abuse of their plan a long time ago.

You all remember what it is, right?

Scroll down…….

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Do you remember now??

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It’s….

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DEATH PANELS!!!!!!!                                 🙂

2 thoughts on “If You Get Sick, Die Quickly

  1. The GOP is all over Grayson’s comment, but we all know the GOP beyond reproach….

    From Ryan Grim at the Huffington Post:

    Take Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite (R-Fla.), who said in July: “Last week, Democrats released a health care bill which essentially said to America’s seniors: drop dead.”

    Or Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.), a doctor, who reviewed the public health insurance option in July and diagnosed that it is “gonna kill people.”

    Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), not one to pull punches, suggested on the House floor that Congress “make sure we bring down the cost of health care for all Americans and that ensures affordable access for all Americans and is pro-life because it will not put seniors in a position of being put to death by their government.”

    July was a busy time for House floor death sentences. Also that month, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), noted: “One in five people have to die because they went to socialized medicine…I would hate to think that among five women, one of ’em is gonna die because we go to socialized care.”

    Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) had a similar assessment. “They’re going to save money by rationing care, getting you in a long line. Places like Canada, United Kingdom, and Europe. People die when they’re in line,” he said on the House floor in July.

  2. Hey, did anyone catch Grayson’s inpromptu appearance in “The Situation Room” on CNN with Wolf Blitzer Wednesday night? The guy ROCKS!! Seems the republicans love to dish it out but can’t take it….Waah!

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