We, the PEOPLE!! was going to take a break this week due to the annual trek from paradise to the “north country”, where potholes grow wild and corruption is the state spectator sport of choice. However, as luck would have it, a fan emailed a letter that just screamed to be shared right away.
Just when you thought that the promoters of “intelligent design”, which in truth is just a fancy name for creationism, had gone into hibernation until a more conservative president and congress come back into power; and just when you thought that the science of evolution had finally taken hold, this email makes it clear that there is a museum one can visit to get the real deal about how Adam and Eve frolicked in the Garden of Eden with dinosaurs, giant sloths, and kangaroos:
I visited the Creationist Museum the other day, you know, the one in Kentucky that tells what life was like a long time ago, about 6000 years give or take a few, when the world was first created. It was a wonderful display which showed me how how the earth got started.
Did you know that before the Fall of Man dinosaurs were friendly, domesticated beast’s? Yup! There was this display depicting a dinosaur with a saddle on it. I thought dinosaurs might have been used to help plow the fields but I forgot, and was reminded, that at that time there was no need to work. Everything Adam and Eve needed was given to them for free. Dinosaurs were just for fun. I realized this when I saw depiction of a dinosaur and Adam both playing what looked to me like an early form of Frisbee.
Imagine having a pet that weighed 30 tons?! But they were tame and friendly, and fortunately there was never a need for them to defecate. But everything went wrong when Adam ate that apple given to him by Eve, who took it from the talking snake. You see, that apple gave him the knowledge of what is right and wrong. As soon as he had that knowledge, all hell broke loose, which I guess explains the origin of the saying “Ignorance is Bliss.”
There was also this great exhibit showing Noah and the ark. As you probably know, God was angry at the world. He hadn’t figured on them sinning, and so decided to flood the earth as punishment. Noah was told to build an ark, and on this ark he brought a pair of every single kind of animal to save them from the water. It must have been a really difficult thing to do, gathering them all together and feeding them, not to mention cleaning up after them or stopping them from fighting among themselves. And I’m not sure why he brought aboard such things as fleas, flies, cockroaches and Mexican Chihuahuas, which I have never liked because they bark too much. But God has His ways and who I to question?
Anyway, the whole world was flooded and everything was destroyed. The ark floated around for some time. Finally, the waters disappeared to someplace or another and they all got off on this mountain somewhere in Iran or Turkey. From there they populated the earth once again. I guess that must include kangaroos because how else could kangaroos be around today since there is no evolution. Only people like Karl Marx and Adolf Hitler believe in things like evolution. I learned that, too.
But I wondered how kangaroos could have arrived in Australia without leaving a single fossil anywhere else in the world. I learned that there are just some things which are called “Divine Mysteries”, which are kind of like the ones you see on Law and Order Criminal Intent, only a lot more difficult, and that is probably one of them. It’s really a test of your faith put there by God…or Satan… I’m not sure which.
I think you will really learn a lot at this museum, and don’t listen to those that say that this story is not true. They are agents of Satan; you know, the guy with the horns and a tail and the pitchfork who whispers in your ear encouraging you to do bad, evil things like lie or steal or play with yourself.
But I know all these things to be true because God said so. It’s in the Bible. And the Bible is the Word of God. It says so, right there in the Bible! So it must be true.
I hope you visit this museum, Howie. I think you’ll like it, and in fact, you may come away as I did, feeling…what’s the word?? Oh yeah.. blissful!
Your fan, S. Sam
After reading this, it seemed appropriate to ascertain whether this “creationism” museum actually exists. Sure enough, a google search proved that it does. In fact, there are several!! You can visit one near you!
But if creationism isn’t your thing, perhaps you would rather like to visit the Tooth Fairy Museum. It’s located right next to the Great Pumpkin Museum and just down the street from the Easter Bunny Museum.
Imagine! Within a short walking distance, you can visit three world-class educational museums, and perhaps learn enough to run for state governor! And later for vice-president! And maybe even president some day!
Knowledge is power.