So you’re just finishing up Thanksgiving dinner and thinking that you’ll just settle in front of the TV and watch football or a full-action movie. After all, they both feature your entertainment…conflict, challenge, violence, and some sexual component…like watching the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, or some R-rated movie. Plus, you get to munch on snacks and drink your favorite beverage while you’re comfortably seated and entertained.
But wait! Real live-action, unscripted challenge, conflict, violence and activity that will titillate your prurient senses, with an endless cast of thousands, awaits you in one place that you’d never think of…the airport!!
Yep! For perhaps the price of short-term parking, you can watch real-time human drama played out in all of its naked (so to speak) reality by finding a spot just outside the airport security checkpoint. You’ll get to witness real-life-as-it’s-happening, when some people challenge the entire Transportation Security Administration (TSA) airport security procedures, yelling at the TSA employees and hurling all form of obscenities at them. Maybe you’ll even witness a few brought to blows by the anger they feel toward this perceived intrusion into their privacy.
You’ll get to watch people reluctantly submitting to full-body scanners that can see through clothing, while you know that an out-of-sight TSA employee is feasting on an endless parade of naked bodies. You’ll wish that you had that job as you watch an attractive someone stand with arms outstretched in the full-body-scan booth, first to the front, and then to the side. Oh, wow!
You’ll also witness people whom, refusing the scan, have every inch of their bodies touched (“fondled”, you imagine) by a real live same-sex TSA person. Imagine the joy of a beautiful lesbian being touched everywhere by a beautiful female TSA operative! Or a gay guy submitting to a male TSA “examiner”.
AND!! You get to enjoy all this and more while munching on snacks and enjoying drinks bought from airport kiosks which stand to do a brisk business if enough people realize that the best show in town is right here where the airplanes are. What more could you ask for when it comes to public entertainment??
While you’re considering taking that trip to the airport, consider the strangest part of all: in what can only be defined as a weird (hypocritical?) philosophical reversal of the conservative’s mantra of “security before individual rights!” which defined them throughout the Bush years, these folks are screaming the loudest about how the TSA is violating their privacy rights! They are attempting to organize a “national opt-out day“, encouraging flying boycotts and telling travelers to refuse the scan in favor of the enhanced pat-downs, which can cause departure delays if enough people participate.
Trying to explain the conservatives’ view of this is complex, considering their previous “the government can’t protect us enough!” stance.. The only plausible explanation is that the more conservative one is, the more religiously they think. Perhaps their religion is telling them that their bodies should not be displayed by the scanners, and that the pat-downs are patently evil because the “privates” get touched by strangers (something that should never be allowed, except by one’s marriage partner).
Or perhaps the protesters are feeling a bit “under-endowed”, and they don’t want anyone else to find out.
Whatever the reason, it seems unlikely that TSA will be forced to back off from the full-body scans or enhanced pat-downs anytime soon, even though Florida republican US congressman John Mica is demanding the effective neutering of the TSA. But Mica is known to support privatization of just about everything the government does, so it seems a wee bit too opportunistic of Mica to be choosing this moment to get on his anti-government-agency soapbox..again.
For now, what seems clear is that TSA is here to stay, the national opt-out day seems destined to be a gargantuan flop and, according to a new Gallup poll, 71% of Americans who fly at least two times a year agree with the need for the full-body scanners.
So seriously consider that trip to the airport after your meal this Thanksgiving. Or maybe try to make it over the weekend, when people will be flying back home and the airports will be crowded. It’s really cheap entertainment, and you can even take photos and video if you like.
But hurry. New full-body-scanners have been developed that replace the image of the naked human body with a no-body-detail cartoon figure. When those new scanners are installed, this won’t be anywhere as fun to watch as it is now.
Then you’ll have find some new form of amusement…like watching smashed luggage go around and around endlessly on the arrival baggage conveyor belt. 🙂
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! 🙂