Imagine if the following people made these New Year resolutions, and then stuck to them:
Rush Limbaugh: “I will only tell the truth and always present verifiable facts.”
Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin: “I will actually do research before making comments on ANYTHING.”
US President Barack Obama: “I will find the secret to getting republicans to like me.”
First Lady Michelle Obama: “I will stay off Oprah’s show.” (easy, since it’s ending anyway)
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi: “I will find the secret to getting republicans to like me.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell: “I will stop bashing health care reform”.
Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid: “If Mitch McConnell actually stops bashing, I’ll walk from Washington to New York, backwards, naked.”
Fox News: “We will REALLY be fair and balanced…as soon as we find out what that means.”
CNN: “If Fox ever does get fair & balanced, we’ll walk from Atlanta to New York, backwards, naked, in a snowstorm.”
Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay: “I won’t go back on “Dancing With The Stars” and I will beat the bum rap against me.”
Hillary Clinton: “I won’t run for president again, but I want my own TV show”.
John McCain: “I won’t run for president again…but I don’t remember why not.”
AIG: “We’ll never again take bailout money from the feds….”.
US Health Insurance Industry: “We will fully embrace health care reform”.
US Pharmaceutical Industry: “We will stop ripping off the American public with outlandish drug prices”.
US Auto Industry: “We can build cars that last 20 years and run on water, and we will. This year!!”
Ann Coulter: “I’m coming out of the closet and declaring my true beliefs: I’m really a liberal, and Obama’s the BEST!!”
Osama Bin Laden: “I will spend at least four hours every day outdoors in the sunshine”.
Senator Joe Leiberman: “I will decide what I am. Again.”
Senator James Inhofe: “I will admit that human activities cause global warming.”
Copenhagen Global Warming Conference: “When Inhofe admits to the above, we’ll all swim across the Atlantic, backwards, naked, in a hurricane.”
We, the PEOPLE: “If anyone walks or swims backwards, naked, we’ll be there…to provide commentary, of course.”
Happy New Year 2010 to all!!